Parenting advice evolves with each generation, shaped by new psychological research, cultural shifts, and a deeper understanding of child development. What was once considered a gold-standard parenting practice can later be viewed as outdated or even detrimental. Many well-intentioned parents raise their children the way they were raised, unaware that some of those time-honored beliefs may be harmful parenting tactics. Recognizing these shifts isn’t about blaming previous generations; it’s about embracing progress and committing to raising emotionally healthy and resilient kids. Here are eight common parenting beliefs that have been reconsidered in modern psychology.
1. ‘Finish Everything on Your Plate’
Forcing a child to clean their plate was once seen as teaching them not to be wasteful and to appreciate their food. However, research now shows this can foster an unhealthy relationship with food and override a child’s natural ability to recognize hunger and fullness cues. This can lead to overeating and weight issues later in life. Modern advice encourages parents to let children decide how much they want to eat from the healthy options provided. This teaches them to listen to their bodies, a critical skill for lifelong health.
2. ‘Because I Said So’
This classic authoritarian phrase is used to shut down a child’s questioning and demand blind obedience. While it may achieve short-term compliance, it stifles a child’s curiosity and critical thinking skills. It sends the message that their thoughts and feelings are unimportant and that power, not reason, is what matters. A more effective approach is to offer simple, age-appropriate explanations for rules. This helps children understand logic and consequences, fostering respect rather than fear, and avoiding a harmful parenting dynamic.
3. ‘Children Should Be Seen and Not Heard’
This Victorian-era belief suggests that children should be silent and passive in the presence of adults. It devalues a child’s perspective and can damage their self-esteem, teaching them that their voice doesn’t matter. Suppressing a child’s desire to communicate can hinder their social and emotional development. Encouraging children to express their thoughts and feelings respectfully helps them build confidence and communication skills. It shows them they are a valued member of the family.
4. ‘Letting a Baby ‘Cry It Out”
The ‘cry it out’ method of sleep training was popular for decades, based on the idea that it taught babies to self-soothe. However, many modern child development experts argue this can be a form of harmful parenting. They suggest it teaches a baby that their needs won’t be met, which can elevate stress hormones and potentially interfere with secure attachment. Responsive parenting, which involves comforting a distressed baby, builds trust and security. It reassures the infant that their caregiver is a reliable source of comfort and safety.
5. Using Physical Punishment (Spanking)
Spanking was once a widely accepted form of discipline, but a vast body of research now links it to negative outcomes. Studies show that physical punishment is associated with increased aggression, antisocial behavior, and mental health problems in children. It teaches them that violence is an acceptable way to solve problems. Positive discipline strategies, such as time-outs, loss of privileges, and logical consequences, are more effective at teaching right from wrong without instilling fear.
6. Praising a Child for Being ‘Smart’
It seems counterintuitive, but praising a child for innate qualities like intelligence can be a harmful parenting practice. Research by psychologist Carol Dweck shows it fosters a ‘fixed mindset,’ where children believe their abilities are unchangeable. This can make them afraid to take on challenges for fear of not looking smart. Instead, experts recommend praising effort, strategy, and perseverance (‘You worked so hard on that puzzle!’). This cultivates a ‘growth mindset,’ teaching children that their abilities can be developed through hard work.
7. Insisting on an Immediate Apology
Forcing a child to say ‘I’m sorry’ right after a conflict often results in an insincere, mumbled apology. This teaches them that the words are a magic trick to get out of trouble, not a genuine expression of remorse. It’s more effective to first help a child calm down and then discuss why their behavior was hurtful. Guide them toward understanding the other person’s feelings and then encourage a sincere apology. This helps them develop true empathy.
8. Protecting Kids from All Failure
A parent’s natural instinct is to protect their child from disappointment and failure. However, ‘snowplow parenting’—clearing every obstacle from a child’s path—robs them of the chance to develop resilience and problem-solving skills. Experiencing small, manageable failures teaches children how to cope with setbacks, a crucial life skill. Allowing a child to forget their homework once or lose a board game teaches valuable lessons. This is far better than engaging in harmful parenting that leaves them unprepared for the realities of the adult world.
Raising Kids with Intention
Parenting is a journey of constant learning and adaptation. Moving away from outdated and potentially harmful parenting beliefs is a sign of strength and commitment. It’s about choosing connection over control, and empathy over authority. By focusing on teaching resilience, emotional intelligence, and critical thinking, parents can equip their children with the tools they need to thrive. The goal isn’t to be a perfect parent, but a thoughtful and evolving one.
Which of these outdated parenting beliefs were you raised with, and how has it influenced your own parenting style? Share your experience in the comments.
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Latrice is a dedicated professional with a rich background in social work, complemented by an Associate Degree in the field. Her journey has been uniquely shaped by the rewarding experience of being a stay-at-home mom to her two children, aged 13 and 5. This role has not only been a testament to her commitment to family but has also provided her with invaluable life lessons and insights.
As a mother, Latrice has embraced the opportunity to educate her children on essential life skills, with a special focus on financial literacy, the nuances of life, and the importance of inner peace.