The Baby Boomer generation grew up with a very different set of social norms and expectations around marriage. For many of them, “sticking it out” no matter what was the ultimate goal. While their resilience can be admirable, it also means that many of them normalized marriage ‘bad habits’ that are now widely recognized as unhealthy or even toxic. These behaviors were often swept under the rug as just “how marriage is.”
For Millennials and Gen X, who have greater access to information about relationship psychology, these old-school habits are major red flags. Clinging to these outdated norms can poison a modern partnership. Here are seven marriage ‘bad habits’ Boomers often think are normal but are actually toxic.
1. The “Silent Treatment” as a Conflict Resolution Tool
For many Boomer couples, when one partner was angry, they would simply stop talking to the other for days, or even weeks. This was seen as a way to “keep the peace” by avoiding a loud fight. However, the silent treatment is not peaceful; it is a form of emotional abuse. It’s a manipulative tactic known as “stonewalling,” designed to punish the other person without having to communicate.
Healthy relationships require communication, especially during conflict. Intentionally ignoring your partner creates a climate of anxiety and resentment, resolving nothing.
2. Making Jokes at Your Spouse’s Expense in Public
That classic sitcom trope of the husband making fun of his wife’s cooking or the wife mocking her husband’s incompetence was rooted in a real-life dynamic. Gentle teasing can be fine, but for many couples, this devolved into thinly veiled contempt disguised as humor. It was considered normal to belittle a spouse in front of friends and family.
This habit erodes respect and trust. A partnership should be a safe space. Publicly humiliating your partner is a profound betrayal of that safety.
3. A Complete Lack of Financial Transparency
The traditional model often involved the husband managing all the finances while the wife received an “allowance.” In this setup, it was normal for the primary earner to make major financial decisions without consulting their spouse. This wasn’t always malicious, but it created a dangerous power imbalance.
Today, this is recognized as a form of financial abuse. Healthy partnerships involve shared financial goals and open, honest communication about money, regardless of who earns it. Both partners should have equal access to financial information.
4. Believing “Don’t Go to Bed Angry” Means No Boundaries
This well-intentioned advice was often interpreted to mean you must resolve every fight immediately, even if it means staying up all night. This can lead to exhausted, unproductive arguments where people say things they don’t mean. It was seen as a failure to go to sleep without a resolution.
Modern therapy suggests that it’s often healthier to take a break from a heated argument. Agreeing to pause and revisit the conversation when both people are calm and rested is a sign of emotional maturity, not a relationship failure.
5. Threatening Divorce During an Argument
In the heat of a fight, it was not uncommon for one partner to throw out the threat of leaving or divorce. This was used as a tool to gain leverage or to shock the other person into submission. It was seen as just a dramatic thing people say when they’re angry.
However, this is an incredibly toxic habit. It shatters the sense of security that is essential for a healthy marriage. Constantly threatening to end the relationship makes it impossible to build a stable foundation of trust.
6. Ignoring Your Partner’s Love Language
The concept of “love languages” is relatively new. For many Boomers, love was demonstrated in one primary way: providing. A husband who worked hard and paid the bills was considered a loving husband, even if he never offered words of affirmation or physical affection. A wife who kept the house clean was a loving wife, even if she wasn’t a supportive listener.
We now understand that people need to feel loved in different ways. Ignoring your partner’s specific emotional needs while insisting you are “showing” love in your own way is a recipe for an unfulfilling and disconnected marriage.
7. The “Let It Fester” Approach to Resentment
The “grin and bear it” mentality meant that small hurts and resentments were often never addressed. Instead of having a difficult conversation, people were encouraged to just “get over it.” This led to decades of unspoken frustrations that would slowly poison the relationship from the inside.
A healthy marriage requires a willingness to address issues as they arise, even when it’s uncomfortable. Letting resentment build is like a slow-acting poison.
Building a Healthier Model for Marriage
We can learn from the endurance of our parents’ and grandparents’ generations without repeating their mistakes. A successful modern marriage is not about silently tolerating bad behavior. It’s about active communication, mutual respect, and a commitment to breaking old, toxic cycles. By retiring these marriage ‘bad habits,’ we can build partnerships that are not just long-lasting, but also genuinely happy and healthy.
What other outdated marriage advice have you heard? Share it in the comments!
What to Read Next…
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Latrice is a dedicated professional with a rich background in social work, complemented by an Associate Degree in the field. Her journey has been uniquely shaped by the rewarding experience of being a stay-at-home mom to her two children, aged 13 and 5. This role has not only been a testament to her commitment to family but has also provided her with invaluable life lessons and insights.
As a mother, Latrice has embraced the opportunity to educate her children on essential life skills, with a special focus on financial literacy, the nuances of life, and the importance of inner peace.
