Dealing with narcissists can leave you feeling drained, second-guessing yourself, and unsure of what’s real. Their behavior isn’t just frustrating—it’s often manipulative, with carefully crafted mind games designed to keep you off balance. Recognizing these tactics is the first step to protecting your well-being and regaining control. When you understand the mind games narcissists play, you can respond with confidence instead of confusion. Let’s break down seven common mind games and show you how to outsmart them for good.
1. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a classic mind game narcissists play to make you question your reality. They might deny things that happened, twist your words, or insist you’re overreacting. Over time, this can make you doubt your memory, judgment, or even your sanity. If you find yourself constantly apologizing or second-guessing your own experiences, gaslighting could be at play.
To outsmart gaslighting, keep a written or digital record of events and conversations. Trust your own experiences. Validate your feelings with trusted friends or a therapist. Remember, the goal is to make you doubt yourself—don’t let them succeed.
2. The Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is another powerful tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. Instead of resolving issues, they withdraw communication to punish or control you. This leaves you anxious, desperate for resolution, and often willing to do anything to restore peace.
Don’t chase after them or beg for a response. Instead, take the time to focus on your own needs and boundaries. Recognize this as a manipulation tactic and resist the urge to “fix” things that aren’t your responsibility.
3. Love Bombing and Devaluation
Narcissists often start relationships with intense affection and attention—a tactic known as love bombing. You might feel like you’re on top of the world. But once you’re hooked, they quickly shift to criticism and devaluation.
This rollercoaster is designed to make you crave their approval and stay invested, no matter how poorly you’re treated. Outsmart this mind game by noticing extreme shifts in behavior and questioning the motives behind sudden affection. Healthy relationships have consistency, not constant highs and lows.
4. Triangulation
Triangulation involves bringing a third party into your interactions—whether it’s a friend, ex, or coworker—to manipulate or control you. They might compare you to someone else, share private conversations, or spread rumors to create jealousy and insecurity.
If you notice a narcissist constantly referencing others or pitting people against each other, recognize it as a tactic to keep you on edge. Refuse to compete or gossip. Directly address the person involved if appropriate, and set clear boundaries around what’s discussed.
5. Playing the Victim
When called out on their behavior, narcissists often flip the script and play the victim. Suddenly, their actions are your fault, or you’re accused of being too sensitive or unfair. This mind game is designed to make you feel guilty and back down from holding them accountable.
Don’t get drawn into endless explanations or apologies. Stick to the facts, use “I” statements, and don’t accept blame for things you didn’t do. If possible, remove yourself from the conversation until emotions have cooled.
6. Projection
Projection is when a narcissist accuses you of the very things they’re doing—lying, cheating, manipulating, or being selfish. This deflection keeps the spotlight off their behavior and can leave you feeling defensive or confused.
Recognize projection for what it is: a way to avoid responsibility. Stay calm, don’t take the bait, and focus on facts rather than accusations.
7. Moving the Goalposts
Have you ever met someone whose expectations continually change, regardless of what you do? That’s moving the goalposts—a subtle but exhausting mind game narcissists play. You might meet every demand, only to have new ones thrown at you, making real progress or approval impossible.
To outsmart this tactic, set your own standards for what’s reasonable and refuse to jump through endless hoops. Communicate your boundaries clearly and stick to them, even if the narcissist tries to guilt or pressure you.
Protecting Yourself from Mind Games Narcissists Play
Narcissists are experts at playing mind games that can chip away at your confidence and sense of self. By learning to spot these tactics—gaslighting, triangulation, projection, and more—you regain power over your own reality. The mind games narcissists play only work if you’re unaware or unsure. Awareness is your best defense.
Strengthen your boundaries, seek support from trusted individuals, and don’t hesitate to seek professional help if needed. What mind games have you faced, and how did you handle them? Share your experience in the comments below.
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Travis Campbell is a digital marketer and code developer with over 10 years of experience and a writer for over 6 years. He holds a BA degree in E-commerce and likes to share life advice he’s learned over the years. Travis loves spending time on the golf course or at the gym when he’s not working.
