
Family traditions are often seen as the glue that holds generations together. They create a sense of identity, belonging, and shared history. But what happens when that glue starts to weaken, or worse, pushes people apart? Sometimes, the very rituals meant to unite us become sources of silent resentment, stress, and exclusion. Without careful examination, certain long-standing practices can end up dividing your family. It’s time to look at six common traditions that may be causing more harm than good, and how to address them before the cracks become permanent.
The Unspoken Gift-Giving Competition
What begins as a joyful exchange of gifts can slowly morph into a high-stakes competition. When family members feel pressured to match an unspoken price point or find the “perfect” gift, it can lead to significant financial strain and anxiety. This is especially true for those with different income levels. The focus shifts from thoughtful giving to performative generosity, creating jealousy and resentment among those who can’t keep up.
Forcing Attendance at Every Single Event
The expectation that every family member must attend every holiday, birthday, and barbecue can be suffocating. It ignores the reality of modern life: busy schedules, blended families with competing obligations, and the simple need for personal downtime. When attendance is treated as a measure of love or loyalty, it can make people feel controlled and resentful. Valuing quality of connection over quantity of appearances is a healthier approach.
Assigning Roles Based on Gender Stereotypes
Does every holiday gathering see the women automatically head to the kitchen to cook and clean while the men relax in the living room? These deeply ingrained gender roles are a common but damaging tradition. They send a message that contributions are valued differently based on gender and can create significant resentment among those shouldering the bulk of the labor. Breaking this cycle requires a conscious effort to distribute tasks equitably.
How New Partners or In-Laws Are Ignored
Family traditions can be particularly difficult for new members, like a new spouse or long-term partner. If your family’s rituals are rigid and full of inside jokes and stories that exclude newcomers, it makes them feel like perpetual outsiders. A healthy family evolves to embrace new people, perhaps by incorporating a tradition from the new member’s family. Failing to do so sends a clear message that they aren’t truly part of the group.
The “We’ve Always Done It This Way” Mentality
This phrase is one of the most dangerous to family harmony. It’s a defense mechanism that shuts down any conversation about changing or updating a tradition that may no longer be working. Whether the tradition is inconvenient, exclusionary, or just plain outdated, clinging to it for the sake of continuity can be a major source of conflict. This resistance to change is often a key factor in dividing your family.
Gossiping Disguised as “Catching Up”
In some families, gathering together becomes an opportunity to gossip about relatives who aren’t present. This “tradition” of sharing negative stories or speculating about others’ lives erodes trust at a fundamental level. It creates an environment where no one feels safe, as they know they will likely be the topic of conversation at the next gathering. This toxic communication pattern is a surefire way to create factions and deep-seated distrust.
Evolving Traditions to Unite, Not Untie
The goal is not to abolish all traditions, but to ensure they serve their true purpose: to foster connection. This requires open and honest communication. It means being brave enough to ask, “Is this still working for everyone?” Traditions should be flexible, inclusive, and a source of joy, not obligation or stress. By thoughtfully re-evaluating and adapting the rituals that are dividing your family, you can create new, healthier ones that will genuinely bind you together for years to come.
Is there a family tradition you’ve successfully updated to be more inclusive? Share your story!
Read more:
10 Family Traditions Your Kids Secretly Wish You’d Stop
8 Financial Promises That Family Members Should Never Make

Latrice is a dedicated professional with a rich background in social work, complemented by an Associate Degree in the field. Her journey has been uniquely shaped by the rewarding experience of being a stay-at-home mom to her two children, aged 13 and 5. This role has not only been a testament to her commitment to family but has also provided her with invaluable life lessons and insights.
As a mother, Latrice has embraced the opportunity to educate her children on essential life skills, with a special focus on financial literacy, the nuances of life, and the importance of inner peace.