The date went well. The conversation flowed, you shared a few laughs, and you’re feeling a hopeful spark. Then, the waiter places the check on the table. Suddenly, a strange transformation occurs. The confident, charming man across from you is replaced by a fumbling, forgetful creature of excuses. The battle of the bill has begun.
While many men are happy to pay or split the check, there’s a specific genre of dater who has mastered the art of the financial escape. Their creativity is almost impressive. Here are ten of the most hilarious and common excuses men give for not splitting the check.
“I Forgot My Wallet.”
This is the undisputed classic, the hall-of-fame champion of cheapskate excuses. It’s so simple, so timeless, yet so transparent. He’ll perform a dramatic pantomime of patting his pockets with a look of growing panic. You are then cast in the role of the gracious savior, left to cover the bill while he promises to “get you next time.”
“I’ll Get You Next Time.”
This is the cousin of the forgotten wallet. It’s a verbal IOU, a promise of future generosity that may or may not ever materialize. This excuse is designed to make you feel like you’re investing in a future date. In reality, you’re often just funding the current one. The “next time” frequently remains a mythical event.
The Awkward Silent Stare
This is a bold, non-verbal power move. When the check arrives, he simply… does nothing. He looks at it, looks at you, and then looks around the restaurant. He is creating an awkward silence so profound that you will pay the bill just to make it stop. It’s a psychological battle of wills, and he’s counting on you to surrender first.
“I Only Had a Salad.”
The itemized bill becomes his weapon. He will meticulously analyze the check, pointing out that his small salad and water cost significantly less than your pasta and wine. He suggests it’s only fair that you pay for your share, which somehow ends up being 90% of the total. This is a clear red flag for future scorekeeping.
“My Card Keeps Getting Declined.”
He’ll make a show of pulling out his credit card and handing it to the waiter. A few moments later, the waiter returns with a look of apology. The card was declined. He’ll feign surprise and frustration, blaming his bank. It’s a theatrical performance designed to shift the financial burden squarely onto you.
“I’m More of a Traditional Guy.”
This excuse is a clever trap. He’ll talk about how he believes the man should provide, but he’ll frame it in a way that suggests *this* date isn’t the one where that tradition applies. He might imply that he would pay if things were more “serious,” putting the onus on you to prove the date is worthy of his investment.
The Sudden Disappearing Act
Just as the meal is winding down, he gets an “urgent” phone call. He steps outside to take it, assuring you he’ll be right back. He is not right back. You are left sitting there with the bill and the slow, dawning realization that you’ve just been dined and dashed. It’s the most cowardly of all the excuses.
“I Thought You Were Treating Me.”
This one is a masterclass in gaslighting. He’ll act genuinely surprised when the conversation turns to splitting the bill. He’ll say something like, “Oh, I thought you invited me out!” This flips the script and makes you feel like you were unclear about the nature of the date, forcing you to pay to avoid further awkwardness.
“I’m Between Jobs Right Now.”
The sympathy play is a powerful tool. He’ll share a sob story about his financial woes, making you feel guilty for even thinking about asking him to contribute. While his situation may be genuine, a person with integrity would suggest a date that fits their budget, not expect you to subsidize their lifestyle.
He Conveniently “Can’t Figure Out” Venmo
In the age of digital payments, this excuse is particularly brazen. You’ll offer to cover the bill and ask him to just Venmo you his half. Suddenly, he’s technologically inept. He can’t find the app, he doesn’t have a good signal, or he’s not sure how it works. He’s creating just enough friction to make you give up and say, “Forget it.”
The Check Is a Character Test
While these excuses can be funny in retrospect, in the moment they are telling. How a person handles money, especially on a first date, reveals a lot about their character, generosity, and sense of fairness. If you encounter one of these performances, don’t just pay the bill. Pay attention to the red flag it’s waving.
What’s the wildest excuse you’ve ever heard for not splitting the check? Share it in the comments!
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Latrice is a dedicated professional with a rich background in social work, complemented by an Associate Degree in the field. Her journey has been uniquely shaped by the rewarding experience of being a stay-at-home mom to her two children, aged 13 and 5. This role has not only been a testament to her commitment to family but has also provided her with invaluable life lessons and insights.
As a mother, Latrice has embraced the opportunity to educate her children on essential life skills, with a special focus on financial literacy, the nuances of life, and the importance of inner peace.
