Despite strides towards gender equality, frustrating double standards persist in how society perceives and evaluates men and women. Certain traits, behaviors, and life choices deemed positive or acceptable in men are often viewed critically or negatively when exhibited by women. These biases, sometimes subtle and sometimes blatant, impact everything from workplace dynamics to personal relationships, creating unfair hurdles and judgments. Recognizing these hypocrisies is key to challenging them. Let’s highlight twelve common examples of things women get judged for, while men often receive praise or acceptance for the very same thing.
1. Being Assertive or Direct
When a man states his opinion clearly or takes charge, he’s often seen as assertive, confident, or a natural leader. A woman exhibiting the same directness is frequently labeled bossy, aggressive, or difficult. This double standard discourages women from speaking up forcefully. Women are unfairly judged for demonstrating leadership qualities readily accepted in men. We need to value clarity regardless of gender.
2. Expressing Anger or Frustration
Men expressing anger might be seen as passionate, strong, or justifiably upset. Women expressing similar levels of anger are often labeled emotional, hysterical, irrational, or unprofessional. This policing of women’s emotions invalidates their feelings and pressures them into maintaining constant composure. Women are often judged for displaying perfectly normal human emotions.
3. Prioritizing Career Ambition
An ambitious man focused on his career is often admired as driven, dedicated, and a good provider. An equally ambitious woman may be judged for potentially neglecting family, being selfish, or perceived as cold and calculating. Her commitment might be questioned in ways a man’s rarely is. This scrutiny means women are judged for pursuing professional goals.
4. Having Multiple Sexual Partners
A man with a history of multiple sexual partners might be seen as experienced, a “player,” or simply living life (often with a wink and nod). A woman with a similar history is often slut-shamed, labeled promiscuous, or deemed “damaged goods.” This blatant double standard reflects outdated, harmful views on female sexuality. Women are harshly judged for behavior often excused or even celebrated in men.
5. Discussing Salary or Negotiating Pay
Men are often encouraged to negotiate salary aggressively and discuss compensation openly as savvy career moves. Women attempting the same might be perceived as greedy, demanding, or not team players. This disparity contributes significantly to the gender pay gap. Women get judged for advocating for their financial worth in ways men don’t.
6. Aging Naturally (Showing Wrinkles/Gray Hair)
Men with gray hair or wrinkles are often described as distinguished, sophisticated, or rugged (“silver foxes”). Women showing similar signs of aging face immense pressure to conceal them, often being seen as “letting themselves go” if they don’t. This reflects societal obsession with female youthfulness. Women are judged for the natural process of aging itself.
7. Choosing Not to Have Children
A man who decides not to have children is usually accepted at face value, his decision rarely questioned intensely. A woman who makes the same choice often faces intrusive questions, skepticism, accusations of selfishness, or predictions she’ll regret it later. Her life choices are scrutinized and judged for deviating from expected maternal roles.
8. Being Confident or Proud of Accomplishments
A man confidently discussing his successes might be seen as self-assured and competent. A woman doing the same risks being perceived as arrogant, boastful, or unlikeable. Women are often expected to downplay their achievements or frame them with excessive humility. They get judged for owning their successes publicly.
9. Having Strong Opinions or Debating Vigorously
Men engaging in passionate debate are often seen as intelligent, knowledgeable, and engaging. Women participating with the same vigor might be labeled argumentative, emotional, or intimidating. Their expertise or passion can be reframed as a negative trait. Women are frequently judged for intellectual engagement that is encouraged in men.
10. Taking Parental Leave or Flexible Work
While increasingly common, men taking significant parental leave or prioritizing flexible work arrangements are sometimes praised as progressive, involved dads. Women doing the same are often simply expected to, and may even face career penalties or assumptions about their commitment. The same action receives different framing, meaning women can still be judged for prioritizing family in ways men are now sometimes praised for.
11. Having a Messy House or Car
A man’s untidiness is often shrugged off or seen as endearing (“bachelor pad” mentality). A woman is often held to a higher standard of domestic cleanliness, potentially being judged as lazy, disorganized, or a poor homemaker if her space isn’t tidy. Domestic standards remain unfairly gendered, and women are judged for imperfections men aren’t.
12. Being the Primary Breadwinner
While improving, societal discomfort still exists when a woman earns significantly more than her male partner. She might be subtly judged for emasculating him, or questions might arise about the relationship dynamic. When a man is the primary breadwinner, it’s viewed as the traditional norm and rarely commented upon. Women achieving financial success are sometimes judged for disrupting outdated expectations.
Moving Towards Equitable Judgement
These double standards highlight the ingrained biases that still shape our perceptions. Recognizing where women are unfairly judged for the same behaviors praised or accepted in men is crucial for fostering true equality. Challenging these hypocrisies in our daily interactions, workplaces, and media consumption helps create a world where individuals are assessed on their merits and actions, not their gender. Let’s strive to dismantle these unfair standards.
What other double standards have you observed? How can we actively challenge these biased judgments in our everyday lives? Share your thoughts below.
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Latrice is a dedicated professional with a rich background in social work, complemented by an Associate Degree in the field. Her journey has been uniquely shaped by the rewarding experience of being a stay-at-home mom to her two children, aged 13 and 5. This role has not only been a testament to her commitment to family but has also provided her with invaluable life lessons and insights.
As a mother, Latrice has embraced the opportunity to educate her children on essential life skills, with a special focus on financial literacy, the nuances of life, and the importance of inner peace.